Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
