When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
