Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
