It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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