and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
