I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
