Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
