Don't make out with my wife yet
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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