Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
