remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you win again, gameday.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
