dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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