I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
