My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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