come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
