I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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