I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
