Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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