You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
