There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
