I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I love having hate sex.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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