So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
