I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
