Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Vodka?
Forever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
