i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
