Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
