mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
