Your tits are I can't wait for
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
