I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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