Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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