Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
