A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
