does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
