that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
