I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
