she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
