i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
