there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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