i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
vagina is talking i cant
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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