She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
