I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
