You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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