THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
