You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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