somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
