dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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