OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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