I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
