My underwear smells like fireworks.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
