I CAN MOONWALK!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
