She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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