he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
