my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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