We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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