wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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