I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
