His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
